Socially Distanced Shows are NOT

This is my position based on never attending a single “socially distanced performance” … and I’m 100% correct

Aren’t you excited!?

We still get to do live in-person shows during lockdown by being really crafty! There are all these newspaper articles about clowns performing half way across a yard from a kids birthday party. Drive-in festivals. Concerts performed for audiences on balconies.

It’s a dawning of a new age of entertainment that completely sucks and consistently emphasizes the fact that we are not allowed to be close to each other.

IRL Shows are a tribal experience

We are evolutionarily programmed to love live entertainment. Even an amphitheater show is just a modernized campfire that we sit around to share hunting stories.

While we’re rubbing elbows with audience members, we’re hearing them clap and laugh and gasp, but we’re also hearing them and seeing them breath, fidget, look around. We are getting primal herd clues about our place and safety in the world. We are getting status shift cues from those around us that help us determine where we fit in a pack of people.

Not only does the crowd set the context of the performance, it sets the context of our identities. I’m not saying you’re going to change your entire image of self from a puppet show, but these tribal reinforcements are soothing to our animal minds.

#STFAH

Besides the entertainment value of the shows, I think we have a responsibility to encourage people to stay at home for all non-essential activities. Creating public non-essential activities is antithetical to public health ideals.

Some people are saying they’re making socially distant performances to encourage more social distancing. This to me is like drunk driving to encourage sober driving.

Shows in yards

1. You’re hanging out with people outside of your pod.
2. You’ve missed them.
3. You want to connect.
4. You want to show them your mouth.
5. You don’t want to shout from 6 feet away.
6. You don’t know what 6 feet is.
7. You still have to go thru the house to get to the yard.
8. You still need to share a bathroom.
9. It doesn’t work

Drive-in concerts

1. People aren’t going to stay in their cars
2. The people who will get out of their cars will be the people that are the most likely vectors
3. You will be listening to the music through an FM station on your radio. Why not listen to well produced music through your car stereo?
4. You can’t hear anyone else clap
5. You’re super spaced out and far away from people
6. Either the capacity is really low, or you’re far from stage
7. It’s a sad constant reminder that you’re not at a real show
8. Either the ticket prices are really high, or there are not sustainable profit margins
9. What’s good about it?
10. You still need to use public restrooms
11. They’ll still try to sell you stuff. No profits without concessions.
12. No
13. It encourages more people to go out for non-essential activities
14. It isn’t very fun to sit in a car