{"id":3498,"date":"2022-11-21T10:33:26","date_gmt":"2022-11-21T18:33:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/?p=3498"},"modified":"2022-11-21T10:48:08","modified_gmt":"2022-11-21T18:48:08","slug":"lets-get-vulnerable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/lets-get-vulnerable\/","title":{"rendered":"Let’s Get Vulnerable"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

People use us for our merits, but they love us for our imperfections. When we want ourselves or our organizations to be loved, instead of being great, we need to be good. Instead of perfect achievement and flawlessness, we need to show that we’re flawed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To lead a group, or energize a crowd, we definitely need something to offer them. We definitely need good intensions. We don’t need perfection<\/a>. In fact, it’s likely detrimental to our connection success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s a release of control<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I used to enter into relationships with girls trying to be a “good guy” and a generally ideal partner. I didn’t share when things were bad. I tried to not complain. I didn’t set up boundaries. I didn’t share my feelings unless I thought they were completely justifiable. What did this get me? A lot of resentments and breakups. It also gave me control. I mean, it was crazy. I thought I controlled the perceptions of my partners, but I totally didn’t. I would show up as a 100% angel, then when it was time to break up, 100% jerk. It was binary and clear. I was in charge!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I didn’t get from this was love. I didn’t love myself, and since my partners couldn’t really see who i was, it was impossible for them to love me for who I truly was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, when one of us sets up this dynamic of control, the other one needs to play along to stay in the interaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think you see where I’m going with this. Vulnerability is the opposite. Being transparent is the way to get love. Showing up as we are is the way to not just find adoration, but to make adoration flow both ways. This is true with individuals and with groups.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We gotta be aware of our fear of losing control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Show up<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There’s no control, anyhow. The way to get people to love us when we don’t try to control them is thru just being there. When someone’s standing in front of us and giving us love, it’s very hard to reject them. Their vulnerability is a gift and it feels imperative to reciprocate. That doesn’t mean they’re guaranteed to get love, but they are at least opening the door wide. We can’t guarantee anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Show imperfection<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We can show imperfection by being honest about something in some way. Being self-deprecating is the go-to device for standup comics. Just admitting something didn’t go right at a shared event. Tell a story that demonstrates, in part, something we might not be totally proud of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Show openness<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Even easier than showing imperfection is showing openness. Breathing, letting silence, listening to the audience, this shows that we’re not trying to take control. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don’t be sloppy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

An event that is completely unplanned and contentless is the ultimate in vulnerability, but there’s no point. Our goal with gathering groups of people together is not to be vulnerable like it is in a romantic relationship. Our goal is our goal (team building, promotion, entertainment, selling drinks, etc.) being vulnerable is our method. We can’t let the scale tip too far to the other side and just be a total mess. Be open, receive… then give.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

People use us for our merits, but they love us for our imperfections. When we want ourselves or our organizations to be loved, instead of being great, we need to be good. Instead of perfect achievement and flawlessness, we need to show that we’re flawed. To lead a group, or energize a crowd, we definitely […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":3499,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158666434799935_26707174888":"","twitter_aToyMjM4MTQzMDs=_22381430":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3498","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/record.jpg?fit=2000%2C1268&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pc33gc-Uq","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3333,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/use-kudos-to-show-value\/","url_meta":{"origin":3498,"position":0},"title":"Use Kudos to Show Value","author":"scot","date":"June 27, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"If people like us and talk about us we can use those positive blurbs as kudos. We wanna change our subjective statements objective ones. Saying \"I'm a great yo-yo performer\" is subjective, but saying \"Jojo Siwa said 'She's a great yo-yo performer'\" is objective. Kudos from experts are best, kudos\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/pexels-anna-shvets-3732855.jpg?fit=1200%2C748&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/pexels-anna-shvets-3732855.jpg?fit=1200%2C748&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/pexels-anna-shvets-3732855.jpg?fit=1200%2C748&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/pexels-anna-shvets-3732855.jpg?fit=1200%2C748&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/pexels-anna-shvets-3732855.jpg?fit=1200%2C748&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2712,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/showbiz-is-trying-to-not-die\/","url_meta":{"origin":3498,"position":1},"title":"Showbiz Is Trying To Not Die!","author":"scot","date":"July 30, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"A top human fear is public speaking. The common thinking is that entertainers are special because they've overcome that fear and that's why they do what they do. Wrong again, common sense! I don't have much fear of getting up in front of a crowd. I first noticed this in\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/pexels-ksenia-chernaya-5766461.jpg?fit=1200%2C719&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/pexels-ksenia-chernaya-5766461.jpg?fit=1200%2C719&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/pexels-ksenia-chernaya-5766461.jpg?fit=1200%2C719&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/pexels-ksenia-chernaya-5766461.jpg?fit=1200%2C719&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/pexels-ksenia-chernaya-5766461.jpg?fit=1200%2C719&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2958,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/turning-ip-into-a-service\/","url_meta":{"origin":3498,"position":2},"title":"Turning IP Into A Service","author":"scot","date":"September 27, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Intellectual property is pretty crazy to me. I'm not totally against it as I have been in the past, but it's a wild world for sure. People can protect and sell a concept over and over again for infinity. What protects their concept is the courts, so lawyers need to\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/pexels-polina-kovaleva-7258389.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/pexels-polina-kovaleva-7258389.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/pexels-polina-kovaleva-7258389.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/pexels-polina-kovaleva-7258389.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/pexels-polina-kovaleva-7258389.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3727,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/brag\/","url_meta":{"origin":3498,"position":3},"title":"Brag","author":"scot","date":"July 26, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"if we are afraid of bragging HAVE PROOF FOR EVERYTHING WE SAY SAY LESS, BUT STILL SAY SOMETHING LOOK DIFFERENT INSTEAD OF TRYING TO LOOK \u201cBETTER\u201d REMEMBER THAT PEOPLE WHO NEED US DON\u2019T KNOW LEARN TO CELEBRATE VOCAL & CONFIDENT PEOPLE REMEMBER OTHER PEOPLE WANT US TO LIKE OURSELVES REMEMBER\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/pleasant-gig.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/pleasant-gig.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/pleasant-gig.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/pleasant-gig.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/pleasant-gig.jpg?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3541,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/build-the-email-list\/","url_meta":{"origin":3498,"position":4},"title":"Build The Email List","author":"scot","date":"January 6, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Email lists are my favorite way to gather my audience. Scot Nery's Boobietrap sold out most of the tickets last year just through the initial announcements. When it was running weekly, 43% of the audience was repeat visitors due to the email list. With Boobietrap, we sent emails immediately after\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/pexels-efe-ersoy-14905796.jpg?fit=1200%2C774&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/pexels-efe-ersoy-14905796.jpg?fit=1200%2C774&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/pexels-efe-ersoy-14905796.jpg?fit=1200%2C774&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/pexels-efe-ersoy-14905796.jpg?fit=1200%2C774&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/pexels-efe-ersoy-14905796.jpg?fit=1200%2C774&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1886,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/invisible-leadership-in-entertainment\/","url_meta":{"origin":3498,"position":5},"title":"Invisible Leadership in Entertainment","author":"scot","date":"November 2, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"I had never seen this coffee maker before. When I opened the top, I knew that it was not programmed and ready to go for the morning. How did I know? I didn't need to decode the buttons and lights on the front. There was a wet filter with used\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/wheel.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/wheel.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/wheel.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/wheel.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/wheel.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3498","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3498"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3498\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3502,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3498\/revisions\/3502"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3499"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3498"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3498"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3498"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}