{"id":1695,"date":"2020-09-18T19:37:20","date_gmt":"2020-09-19T02:37:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/?p=1695"},"modified":"2020-09-22T18:34:20","modified_gmt":"2020-09-23T01:34:20","slug":"help-is-a-one-way-street","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/help-is-a-one-way-street\/","title":{"rendered":"Help is a One-Way Street"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"620\" data-attachment-id=\"1699\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/help-is-a-one-way-street\/ski\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?fit=2000%2C1210&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"2000,1210\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"ski\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?fit=1024%2C620&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?resize=1024%2C620&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1699\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?resize=1024%2C620&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?resize=300%2C182&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?resize=1536%2C929&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?w=2000&amp;ssl=1 2000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Personally, I avoid transactional relationships. I don&#8217;t do favors that are owed later. Either I want to do something for someone or I don&#8217;t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Professionally, I try to do as many things to help others as possible. Then, when the work gets bigger, more special, or impacts my life more; it becomes transactional. I&#8217;m trading for something. Usually money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I love giving as much as I can and I truly love helping people achieve more of what they want, but&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>help is a dirty word.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We don&#8217;t want help. Getting help is admitting a weakness. If we&#8217;re going to be respected, we&#8217;re going to need independence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Be a bonus<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Offering help is often rejected, so it is sometimes more productive to offer to&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>chip in<\/li><li>add to<\/li><li>be a part of<\/li><li>gift<\/li><li>donate<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If we recognize people are doing good things and we want to add on to what they&#8217;re already doing, it&#8217;s not a challenge to their capabilities. It&#8217;s a compliment to their capabilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Being on the other side works gang-busters<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Requesting help has the opposite effect. It can be one of the most effective ways to START a conversation. When we&#8217;re reaching out to a booker, publisher, media person, or other gate keeper, sometimes it&#8217;s better to ask them directly for help than to make an offer to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The help people like giving is not simple<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When requesting help:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>The request is best if it&#8217;s <strong>specific to that person<\/strong>. What special things does that person have that would especially qualify them to help. Folks like feeling useful for their special mix of who they are.<\/li><li>We need to show that the help <strong>will be valuable<\/strong> to us. People don&#8217;t like spending time with no result.<\/li><li>If the helpers don&#8217;t know us, we need to show that <strong>we have a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/is-your-entertainment-mission-small-enough\/\">mission<\/a> they like<\/strong>.<\/li><li>Make the assistance <strong>easy to provide<\/strong>. If help can be boiled down to a single yes \/ no question, that&#8217;s baller.<\/li><li>The help needs to have an <strong>obvious result<\/strong>. Eg: &#8220;I think your feedback could make my mom love me again. Could you please tell me what you think of this holiday card?&#8221;<\/li><li>Ask for <strong>something unusual<\/strong>. It doesn&#8217;t have to be weird, but if you&#8217;re asking Richard Branson for money for anything, you&#8217;ll probably be outta luck.<\/li><\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Personally, I avoid transactional relationships. I don&#8217;t do favors that are owed later. Either I want to do something for someone or I don&#8217;t. Professionally, I try to do as many things to help others as possible. Then, when the work gets bigger, more special, or impacts my life more; it becomes transactional. I&#8217;m trading [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":1699,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158666434799935_26707174888":"","twitter_aToyMjM4MTQzMDs=_22381430":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1695","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/ski.jpg?fit=2000%2C1210&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pc33gc-rl","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":790,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/entertainers-quit\/","url_meta":{"origin":1695,"position":0},"title":"Entertainers: quit","author":"scot","date":"May 29, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"It sounds really cool to say \"I'll never quit...\" unless... wait... no. It sounds stupid. If I'm eating a meal that tastes terrible, do I need to finish it? If I start a war that is clearly not solving any of the problems I hoped, do I keep fighting until\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 2 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 2 comments","link":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/entertainers-quit\/#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/close-up-portrait-of-woman-246804-scaled-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/close-up-portrait-of-woman-246804-scaled-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/close-up-portrait-of-woman-246804-scaled-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/close-up-portrait-of-woman-246804-scaled-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/close-up-portrait-of-woman-246804-scaled-1.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1608,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/collaborate-more-on-entertainment\/","url_meta":{"origin":1695,"position":1},"title":"Collaborate More on Entertainment","author":"scot","date":"September 7, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Only half of you need to hear this...collaborate! The other half need to hold on to their voice. This is the balancing act of specificity we all play. I love a strong voice, I love powerful personalities and daring creative choices. 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Artists have good hearts. We want to do things that are generous. We want systems that are sustainable. 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The other posts in this series, I've been trying to be vulnerable and transparent about my process\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-kristina-paukshtite-701758.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-kristina-paukshtite-701758.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-kristina-paukshtite-701758.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-kristina-paukshtite-701758.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-kristina-paukshtite-701758.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3498,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/lets-get-vulnerable\/","url_meta":{"origin":1695,"position":4},"title":"Let&#8217;s Get Vulnerable","author":"scot","date":"November 21, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"People use us for our merits, but they love us for our imperfections. When we want ourselves or our organizations to be loved, instead of being great, we need to be good. Instead of perfect achievement and flawlessness, we need to show that we're flawed. To lead a group, or\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/record.jpg?fit=1200%2C761&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/record.jpg?fit=1200%2C761&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/record.jpg?fit=1200%2C761&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/record.jpg?fit=1200%2C761&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/record.jpg?fit=1200%2C761&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":676,"url":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/get-creatively-unstuck-and-make-something\/","url_meta":{"origin":1695,"position":5},"title":"Get creatively unstuck and MAKE SOMETHING!","author":"scot","date":"March 27, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"https:\/\/youtu.be\/JeugTodQEdc You're not limited by your \"creativity\" you're limited by your selfishness. It's okay. Everyone has some selfishness. Creativity is not a measure of some magical power you have. It's the evidence of how much you have created. Create things for people you love and you'll be prolific.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/0-1.jpg?fit=480%2C360&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1695","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1695"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1695\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1723,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1695\/revisions\/1723"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1699"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.scot.fun\/damentals\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}